The Hoes of Hollywood




There was Tommy, Johnny, and I slobbed down my boy Ronny (okay!)
Brian, Ryan, and I came on my dude named Zion, (WHAT)
Shad, Brad, and I licked on my nigga Chad (WHOO!)
Ted, Ed, and I fucked around with Ced (WHAT)

Drake,  Nate, and I threw that ass onTate

 Todd, Bob, and I finessed the fuck outta Rob,

Andy, Randy, and that tornado twist came in handy

That bitch a certified hoe. 



What about you Sir? 

You see a hoe gone be a hoe. Rather she told you about her Hoe Phase or not, her inner hoe is always waiting on the sideline like a game of double dutch.


Every woman has had a Hoe Phase that’s not the issue, the issue is when you have a hoe life.

HOE LIFE: You depend on being a hoe for shelter, for clothing, for food, for air, for survival.

Pussy CAN’T be your only hustle.

Do you know how many pussies there is?


Plenty of Pussy out here.

We have women out here LIVING off of their husband’s names, EATING off of their EX’S name, SURVIVING off the dicks they do.


Yes, surviving.

For Instance,

“Basketball Wives”

-How many of them are actual wives?

“Hollywood Exes”

-This is just pathetic.


-Basketball Wives Jr.

These shows are fucking pathetic.

Do we have any shows like this that cater to men? 


The answer is NO, so why do women feel the need to eat off a nigga’s name?

Bitches going out sad, SAD I tell You.


What makes any of these women on these shows different from Blac Chyna, Amber Rose, Alexis Sky, or Miracle Watts?

They just high class hoes with a TV production.

Women are beautiful & much more than pussy and looks.

But do they know this?

Some do, and some are bird brains.


These type of  women lack skill, talent, originality, and drive. 

THE HOES OF HOLLYWOOD are not only the Blac Chynas, but they’re the Malaysias as well.

Women that  LEECH off of a man’s success are HOES OF HOLLYWOOD.

Blood Suckers.

HandOut Hoes.


I’m not mad at these hoes for using what they got to get what they wanted, I’m mad at these hoes for STAYING THERE.

Staying in this mindset, “ok I got a man with money…what more could I possibly want?”

You a goofy hoe.

What will people say about you? 


That’s thinking small, very small.

What type of woman is content with her man’s success and has not created her own?


This should be a sin.


Women MUST be self-sufficient. It’s quite embarrassing that these women have made a life out of the success of a man.

It makes me gag.

Literally want to throw up on you bitches.


Living your life depending on the next dick seems like a life unfulfilled. 

Searching for the next dick on the rise.


Dick Doers.

And your eulogy will read:

“Long Live Blac Chyna, she did all the dicks she could do”



Ladies build your OWN legacy.

At some point you hoes have to say ok, fuck these niggas.


How can I build generational wealth?

How can I live a fulfilled life by my own means?

How can I leave my mark on this earth?

Will I just be remembered as “so & so girlfriend or ex hoe?”

nervous kermit

Do you ever hear people say “Jay- Z’s wife just released a new album”

Absolutely not.

Hoes Don’t Think Long Term. 

But honestly men aren’t any better.

The men in Hollywood treat women like a hot potato.


These men pass the same five or six women around like they’re blessing a bottle of Hennessy.

And do the women care?

No, lol

They’re HOES.

hoes do

But, What kind of real man accepts a woman based solely on her looks and nothing else?


Most of these women have nothing to offer.

You see, we have two types of hoes: ones that make it happen and ones that watch it happen. 

Need examples?



Let’s Start with the Seasoned Hoe:

BERNICE BURGOS is a hoe that’s watching it happen. 


A new hoe on the scene with an old age, Meet Bernice Burgos. With a name like Bernice you’re destined to be born old.

This bitch fine as fuck, yes and hoes as fuck, yes.  After getting her ass done in the basement in the Boogie Down Bronx, she took her hoe game to the next level. We’ve never seen this side of hoe town before.

She hoed her way up from bar tending to starring in one of J. Cole’s music videos. When this particular hoe got accustomed to the industry she didn’t take advantage. Be a hoe, but don’t become a hoe. She’s dated Drake, Meek Mill, T.I., Trey Songz, Quavo and Suge Knight.



Very surprised Suge didn’t pimp her out but anyway.

You mean to tell me all this hoe has to show after dating all these successful men is a cheap pajama set line?

Bitch you supposed to be a Mogul.

Bernice isn’t focused on making money. She’s focused on staying in the limelight, staying relevant, and staying young. She’s about 40. 

Yes I know ya’ll thinking:


But she’s useless. Why you think T.I didn’t stay ? 

This is a hoe that’s watching it happen. 

Bernice please retire from hoeing, and be the grandmother your grandchild needs.

Draya was a hoe that made it happen.

Hey Draya girl,

You’re the hoe that most women aim to be. Horrible mother but a worthy hoe.

Draya did what any smart hoe would do. She finessed the hoe game.

Yes, Draya used to watch Chris Brown give her head right after French Montana. I mean Ray J oops sorry,  I meant Wiz Khalifa.  Typo I meant Gilbert Arenas. This damn auto correct. I meant Kenyon Martin had just got done nutting in that same spot.


Lick on Chris, LICK ON!!!

Draya traded in her hoe activities for housewife duties. She’s the exception to the “can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” saying.

Her hoeness got deleted.

This hoe was a stripper turned reality star, turned fashion designer, turned mommy, turned fiance.


A REFORMED hoe with a Wikipedia page (Bernice didn’t have that).


Show them hoes how to do it.

Hoeing is a sport, only the strong survive.

Her quality Mint Swimsuit brand was a huge success. On top of that being engaged to Orlando Scandrick made hoeing worth the while.

This hoe made it happen. 

Alexis Sky is a hoe that’s watching it happen.


This is honestly one of the dumbest hoes that have crossed paths with Hollywood. She’s the bottom of the barrel type of hoe: a hoe with no common sense.

A go with the flow hoe.

She’s messed with every man in Atlanta.

To be quite honest I don’t have much to say about this woman.

She lacks substance and I’m sure talking to her is like talking to a brick wall.

Only a dumb hoe would have a baby by Fetty Wap.

What was his last hit?

You did all that whoring just to end up back stripping!

Take notes from the Puerto Rican Princess.

Real hoes never back track.

This is a hoe that’s watching it happen.

Karrine Steffans was a hoe that MADE it happen.


Hey hoe,

I honestly can’t list all of the men she’s sucked and fucked.

My favorite niggas she’s fucked was Shaq when he soaked the entire mattress, Jay-Z when he whipped out a condom in the limo and told her to get to it, and Lil Wayne when she would sneak out the house where her sleeping husband laid to go slob on his knob.


This is an early 2000s hoe and OG hoe, but Ms. Steffans and I have something in common…

It’s not what you think.

Fuck it, it is.

We both savages on the head, but we are also great writers might I add.

Karrine wrote and published a number one selling book, Confessions of a Video Vixen.

Selling her hoe memoirs.

Despite what many may think, this hoe is educated, innovative, and original.

This is a hoe that made it happen.

You have to defeat Blac Chyna in the final stage of



A monstrous WHORE. She does not care who she fucks, as long as shes fucking.

This HOERRIBLE hoe. She’s the definition of how hoe can you go, how hoe can you go?

Blac Chyna doesn’t like to deal with her problems she just insists on bouncing from one dick to the next.

Blac Chyna please close yo VAGINA!

You’ve ruined poor Rob.

Tattooed Future’s name on you, dated pubescent boys, released a sex tape (girl you released that shit)

Name a hoe that can out hoe Blac Chyna!

You can’t! Fucking with this hoe you’ll end up in a hoe down.

The world has watched Blac Chyna’s glo up and hoe up.

This woman has made no progress, no top selling books, no world renounced businesses, nothing to show, but a covered up tattoo and some lopsided ass shots.

Blac Chyna is the whore of all whores. She has made a living off hoeing and can’t even suck dick.

Now ain’t that some shit?

This is also a hoe who is watching it happen.

Lisa Bloom please don’t sue me.

Honorary mentions: Karrueche, Miracle Watts, Lira Galore, Kim Kardashian, Tokoyo Toni, Erica Mena, Rita Ora, and the Entire cast of Love and Hip Hop


Y’all buying bags instead of businesses.

It has to cease!

If you gone suck and fuck make sure you have your long term goals in tact!

Be a hoe, don’t become a hoe.


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