BadBed Sex: 10 Tips for Good Sex

You’ve had some really bad sex before.

Rather you’re a man or a woman.

One of your sex partners has let you down.

They had one job.

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Just one.

That’s it.

One.


But they failed miserably. You thought you were coming over to cum, but you came over to leave.

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You too mad.

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You wasted your valuable time, premium gas, and shea moisture shaving cream.

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The Dick was Weak Buddy.                                                          

   The Pussy was Trash Sis.

 How did you react when this ‘bad sex” was occurring?

Did you,

Give him subliminal signs to PULL the fuck out?

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Did you,

Lie to her and say you nutted already to get up out that dry ass box?

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It’s like Bitch wtf.

Don’t say you gone rock my shit and BARELY even put in work!

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Didn’t even pinch the bitch.


See, there’s all types of BAD SEX:

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  1. Dry Sex: This is actually your fault men, she’s CLEARLY not aroused if her shit dry.  Vaginas are naturally moist.
  2. Little Dick Sex: You didn’t bring enough dick to the party, eat her for hours. Read Does Size Matter? “7 Tips for Those Coming Up Short”
  3. Too Much Dick Sex: You brought too much dick to the party, go easy on her.
  4. Lazy Bitch Sex: Ladies ride that dick like your life depended on it wtf.
  5. Immature Sex: You’re not freaky enough. See steps below. 
  6. Too Long Sex: Wrap it up please, her pussy is sore. The passion is leaving
  7. One-Minute Sex: …………….
  8. But the worst of the worst is the

NO RHYTHM SEX

It’s like, the ladies are trying their hardest to catch your rhythm

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BUT You fucking her like you scooting.

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Moving everything, but ya dick.

That’s an issue.


When you first started having sex, you were probably like “ok, this that shit.”

Like Damn

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THIS WHAT MFS BE TALKING ABOUT .


Until God granted you with some better dick, or better pussy.

You see, you didn’t know you were actually getting weak sex because you were inexperienced.

Until GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD………….

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put something in ya life.

Our God always has something better in store for us. Doesn’t he?

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God is real.

But this isn’t about our Lord and Savior, this is about TERRIBLE, HORRIFIC, TRAGIC SEX.

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Bad Sex doesn’t only come from your first, or when you were younger.

There’s still niggas out here fucking like they 15, you getting that premature dick sis.

And bitches still sucking dick under the covers.  We are aware.

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Under the fucking covers, really girlfriend?

STOP THIS MADNESS.

Ya’ll 27.

There are always exceptions to everything. 

We have the people who are used to getting their back blown out.

But somehow end up in  relationships where the only blowing that’s occurring is the huffing and puffing from that weak ass sex.

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You too mad.

It’s like how did I end up here after all the good dick I done been through?

Never settle.

THERE IS ALWAYS BETTER SEX.

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You think you getting fucked good, but great is out there ready to take your soul.

Good Sex is this: Chemistry + Passion+ Care+ Speaking Up+ Experience


You have to want to please the other person.

Men, you ever had a bitch just lay there?  Never tried to take initiative? And every time she TRIES to ride your dick it’s a lazy attempt?

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You’re pissed because you know for a FACT that you could’ve beat your shit better than this bitch riding. 

The young lady is just laying there, for a second you thought the hoe was dead.

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Like bitch, you know we fucking right? Is everything ok at home?

You almost checked her pulse. 

What a waste of a pussy.


Ladies, you ever had a nigga just ram you? Ram you like their life depended on it? How selfish is that really?

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Men that do this forget that they’re having sex with another human being. 

You just laying there, getting rammed. Feeling no type of pleasure or passion. It hurts actually.

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Speak Up Hoe

Basically trying to get his nut off. A selfish man indeed.

Forgetting two essentials: Foreplay & Switching Strokes

A nigga ramming you, gives no fuck about your pleasure.(and he thinks he fucking it up)

Humble Him.

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Now it’s ok to get rough, but switch that shit up.

Slow strokes/ fast strokes. Deep strokes/ Shallow strokes.

No One deserves bad sex.

The only way to achieve GOOD, GREAT Sex is through Experience and voicing what you do like and what you don’t like. 

After all that bad sex, you finally, finally, finally meet your match.

It’s like:

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This person makes you want to fuck them. It’s a competition for yall.

CAN YOU KEEP UP?

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They showed you what good sex, is. They showed you what adults do. They showed you how to get it how you live.

If you’re fortunate enough, you’re never going back to weak sex again.


All this talk about what NOT to do, then what the fuck am I SUPPOSED to do?

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Thought you’d never ask.

Before we get started, let’s get acqainted with an old pal.

Foreplay.

Foreplay: sexual activity that precedes intercourse.

5 TIPS FOR MEN

  1. FOREPLAY. You gotta get that shit wet first. Kiss her. Tongue her DOWN. If he don’t kiss you in the mouth, you a hoe. This is apart of foreplay. SPIT ON THE BITCH. Something.

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This is where you would partake in eating pussy.

You Don’t Eat Pussy? 

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If you don’t eat pussy, why are you alive?  Why do God even make those type of niggas. Waste of a tongue. Eat her ass too. If you don’t know how to eat pussy, click here “Like It’s the Last Supper”  Do not forget about her NIPPLES. They need love too.

After you eat the pussy, eat her ass, tongue her down, caress her nipples, she gone be like you BROUGHT DICK TOO?

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2. Slow Strokes/Fast Strokes. CHANGE POSITIONS.This is important, this is where your rhythm comes into play. I need you niggas to act like you Chris Brown. BEAT THE SHIT UP.  Act like Chris Brown again and DANCE in the pussy.

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Work your hips, fuck her in motion. Practice in the mirror before if you’re nervous.

Here, damn always asking for something:

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Changing positions is vital, she’ll feel like you really fucking her up. Don’t forget to be yourself, this is where you’re at ease.

3. Thumb in the ass.

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Do we have to go into detail here? Place your thumb in her ass while you hitting it from the back especially!!

She bussin, instantly.

4. SUCK THEM MOTHERFUCKING TOES. Only do this one if you grown. Grown Men do Grown Shit.

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5. Talk please. Women appreciate this. Ask who dick it is, even if it ain’t hers. She might be obsessed after that. Be Careful.

Don’t promise shit during sex, beating that shit up talmbout yea Ima Get that Fenty you wanted, and that Shih tzu”

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And as soon as you nut, you don’t give Fenty Fuck.

Stop the lies.

5 Tips for Women 

  1. SUCK THAT DICK, (rub his nipples if he lets you) Men do not be afraid of this. The sensation is ridiculous. If you don’t know how to suck dick, click here Super like Superhead?
  2. When riding ladies, plant your feet. Move and grip in circular motion. MOVE YOUR HIPS.

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Please do not just lay there!

Make sure you’re in rhythm with him. If he’s leading, don’t try to take over. Everything should flow naturally. Don’t transition too quick.

3.  Squeeze your pussy muscles. SQUEEZE periodically. This is in relation to Kegel Excercises. This grips the dick. Pussy feel like a virgin to him.

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Next thing you know you’re married with two kids.

giphy (31).gif4. EYE CONTACT. Men loveeeeeeeeeee this. Stare at him, take his soul.

Especially while you’re on top. Try to look sexy please. This is where you choke him.

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5. Talk. Lie to him and say that pussy is his. Tell him what feels good and what doesn’t.

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Say HIS NAME. Tell him when to switch it up. “Harder” “Slow down Babe” “Ooh right here” Instant turn on.


GET NASTY.

Let him stick it in ya ass. 

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Now of course everything regarding sex isn’t listed, it’s mfs out here hanging from ceilings. Getting whipped, signing contracts for R.Kelly.

Doing the fucking most. 

These are just the basics.

Please don’t forget to choke each other! 

This blog wishes that your sex Life is as lit as Cardi B’s 2017.

We wanna know right now, you a freak or not? 

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